Taken for a rickshaw RIDE!

I have never had help before.... and believe me it's awesome,  but I am beginning to think I'm being taken for a ride.  I love my ladies,  I think they do a good job, but something tells me they are a little too comfortable.

When I hired the Ayah, Suma (Shuspol's sister) in January, I increased Shuspols salary, so they matched.  I also decided to let them eat breakfast here, and I would supply the eggs, bread and condiments.  Seemed fine.  Suma's uniform allowance was more, so I made a mental note to increase Shuspol's when the time came to get her next uniform.  They get one a year, and they use the money to buy a salwar kameez.  Suma had told me, her last employer gave her 2000taka, so I did as well.  She came the next week with two new beautiful uniforms to show me.  I smiled,  glad that she go two.

This summer we were gone for 6 weeks or more.  J was gone for two weeks, and then back at home.  There really wasn't much work to be done.  They each took a week off while he was gone and then came together and cleaned for a couple of hours and left again.  Sometimes, Shuspol would leave J dinner.  When I got back, their work load increased back to normal.  I think, they got used to the easy summer, and haven't quite got back on their game.

First thing they did was ask for a raise.... really, a raise?  They just had the summer of hardly anything to do,  two of them and one person.  Are they crazy?  No, I'm crazy and gave them a extra 1000 a month,  because you know, "everything, 'bery' 'spensive in Dhaka, Madam"

The next week, Suma, bless her not very logical mind.... was laughing and giggling about how fat I got in America.  "Thanks, Suma" She was giggling about her skinny husband and how fat she is, because she eats "Madams food,  four piece bread, and peanut butter and jelly, and tea, with lots of sugar...very fat"  Did she realise she was talking to Madam, who supplies the bread, and other goodies that are making her so fat?  Maybe Madam should put her on a weight loss program.  In one month they have gone through, 2.5 lbs of peanut butter,  2 lbs of jelly, and 4 kilos of sugar (at least).  Tonight while making the kids lunch, I noticed four bread bags in the fridge with 2-4 end pieces in each bag.  I know they use to eat these, but I guess, it's not good enough now.

Payday last week, I gave them that raise, and Shuspol reminded me that her uniform allowance was due.  Ok,  here is 2000,  500 more than last time.  And generous, if you ask me, since her fat sister got two salwar kameez's from that amount and Shuspol is half her size.  "Oh no, Madam, not enough.  I have to have the tailor make them and Madam Lomax gave me 3000."  No f@#$ing way she did!  I rolled my eyes and gave her the money.  I am a big fat sucker!

No more,  I won't deal with money anymore.  J has taken over.  If they want something, they have to ask him.  Oh did I mention, I bought them both cell phones, because theirs were broken?  I got asked last week for another one, because Shuspols screen didn't work.  I told her, if she dropped it, the screen would break, and I wouldn't buy a new one.  "Oh no, Madam, no drop"  Though it's clearly damaged, the whole bottom has broken off.  Not dropped, my big fat bottom.  I also bought her eyeglasses which, Madam Lomax did as well, and she never wears them.  

Done complained about the fact I have someone, who washes my clothes, and toliets.  Who cleans my house and looks after my baby.

Such a fuss

Such a fuss has been made this week about breastfeeding.  Really?  Sigh!  It seems so silly to over think such things.  North America is plagued with obesity and crap chemical ridden, gmo foods that most people don't think twice about eating, yet they freak out about the most natural perfectly healthy food you can consume.  

I became a lactation consultant, after breastfeeding my daughter did not go smoothly and how it consumed me with guilt.  I was shy, and nervous, and didn't ask for help,  and no help was offered.  I was alone with my new husband, and we did not have a lot of support.  I was back to work, as a NICU nurse (who helps moms breastfeed their premies) at 6-7weeks.  I pumped and fed her breastmilk for 10 months.  She nursed a little bit, but not much.  Becoming a LC, was a goal so I could help moms who needed help and encourage them however they needed it.  Motherhood is special and feeling guilty is not helpful.  We do the best we can and make it work.

When my son, B was born, I just so wanted to nurse a baby.  He was a champ.  Nursed like crazy, and was a fat roly poly baby.  We nurse until he was a little over two.  I wasn't shy,  I nursed him on a ottoman in the Seattle Aquarium when he was three days old,  I nursed him anywhere.  I nursed him at his sisters soccer games, in between his running around after soccer balls.  I do not remember the last time we nursed.  It was a natural gradual weaning process.  It worked.

Our surprise third baby, who is 7 months old is nursing as well.  I am thankful that I have the knowledge and strength to get through his rough BFing beginning. If I had been the mom that I was with my first, he would have grown up on formula.  He lost wt., even though I could pump 8-10 oz at a time,  then on day 10, my milk dried up.  Someone turned the faucet OFF!.  I luckily had lots stored up (at 10 days) and I supplemented him that, while still breastfeeding.  I would BF, then supplement at the breast with tube and syringe, then pump.  I was a crazy week.  Did I mention my family was in Dhaka Bangladesh and I was doing this in a one bedroom Oakwood apt, alone.  Thank god for friends who helped me through it!  Carol, Tonya, Valerie and Kim, I will love you forever!  

The milk came back,  but then we had bowel trouble and he wasn't tolerating the breastmilk. Two pediatrician told me to stop breastfeeding and give formula.  Thank god I was not that same first time mom (again).  No, I did my research and found out that he was on lactose overload.  I was consuming too much sugar, and that converts to lactose and he was unable to deal with it.  Also, I didn't have enough fat in my diet. Of course,  my diet consisted of fruit loops and cookies. Did you know, most food labels say, low fat, no fat? I did not have time to make proper meal and eat them.  My friends who were so lovely, again saved me, by setting up a cooking schedule and brought me real meals.  Love you Ricki, for setting this up!  Once diet changed and I added FAT to my diet,  my lovely son, gained wt. and there was no more blood in his stool.

I am thankful, that I have grown as a woman and have the determination to feed my babies.  I haven't any idea when i'll be finished nursing little J but i'm sure it will be a decision we both make at the right time.  I could careless who I offend.  It really is funny what people make a fuss about.  

S.O.S.

So today, R and LJ and I made our way to the embassy.  B decided that school was much more fun than what we had planned so he went to school.  I am very thankful that he went to school.  We walked to the Embassy at 8 in the morning, to see the S.O.S. (Secretary of State) Hillary Clinton.  She has come to Dhaka for a short time to do some speaking and meeting with important people.  The Embassy had a meet and greet, and we were welcome to attend.  The kids were place on risers, positioned for a photo with Madam Secretary.  We milled around and at 9:15 the DCM (Deputy Chief of Mission)  spoke to the crowd.  It was exciting, and he told us how to behave.  Most important, stay behind the blue line.  So we stood, quietly behind the line and waited.  

Lucky for me,  I had a baby, so three other ladies, their babies and me with Little J, got to stand up front in this little area of blue tape.  It was right in front.  And we waited.  The babies, fussed,  we bounced, and sat, and feed babies milk or cheerios.  The big kids played Simon Says, and sang the wheels on the bus... and we waited.  A couple of times we got told to get ready and we all stood up and behind the blue line, we waited. Then we would be told, not yet. Ten o'clock came and went, which was the time she was going to arrive.  So fussy babies slept and bounced on mama's hip. AND then we got the notice,  two mins....  back to our places, behind the blue tape. It was 10:25, not bad.

One baby was an angel, one cried, one squealed and one fussed.  The fancy men in black suits with earphones in their ears never blinked their eyes.  They paced back and forth like a pack of wolves, very alert but eerily calm.  Mrs Clinton came to the podeum and made her speech, it was short, personal, and touch on many important points, I can't remember.  She came over for her picture with the youth on the risers.  R, sat right behind her. Then she made her way around the blue tape to shake hand,  but first stopped at the babies.  Jax  wooed her with his charms, and she played with his legs, while talking with him.  

She made her way around and was shuffled out the door, quickly by the men in black with radios in their ears.  We, of course, stayed behind the blue tape, until the all clear was given, as we had been instructed to do.  We were so well behaved.  Hillary, by the way, looked fabulous!  In person she looks so much better than photographs.  

Bali Pictures

Travelling with VIP's

So last month, J and I left the kids with the Ayah and went on a Embassy excursion to a brass making facility.  It's fun to be able to get away together and see what's around.  Of course, there is a lot of traffic, and noise.  One of these noises is this alarm or siren that keeps going off and some loud speaker that keeps repeating something in Bangla.  As we travel,  these sounds continue at the same level, not getting softer as we gain distance from them nor get louder as we get closer to them.  I also notice that there are three large black SUV's traveling the same direction as us.  They seem strange as they do not try to over take us or cut us off.  Slowly I realise, they are traveling with us,  as is the siren and loud speaker.  Why?  

Oh,  I am such a newbie.  The ambassador was in the bus ahead of us, and the black SUV's were armored cars.  One ahead of first bus, one between first and second bus, and one following the buses.  The siren was warning other cars that an important person was coming through and the loud speaker?  well I am sure it was say.... get the hell out of the way!  Or more politely,  please move to the side, we are coming through!  

I have decided that I should invest in my own loud speaker and siren.  It also helps when someone in front of the first armored car takes it upon themselves to beat the heck out of the cars with a wooden stick, to make sure they get out of the way.  Pretty sure that the guy with the stick, just joined in the procession so he could get to where he was going faster.

Anyway,  it made my day,  traveling with such important people,  kind of reminded me of the movie Princess Dairies with Anne Hathaway and that lady from the sound of music.   Oh yea, and the brass making place was very interesting, we bought a brass horse. 

such a different life

The other morning I got to spend some time with my new Ayah, Suma.  She is darling,  full of giggles, grins and hugs.  She constantly is humming or singing, and she loves to dance and clap with Jax.  He loves it!  So while in the kitchen,  she was doing dishes and i was making granola, we talked about her life.  I asked about her daugther,  the only child,  and how she met her husband and how she is a grandmother as such a young age.  Her story is so sad, yet so much joy radiates from her, you would never know.


She is the youngest child of seven, and her Dad's sister only had one son.  Her Dad married her off to him.  Yes, that's right, her first cousin.  She was eleven.  So sad.  She hadn't even hit puberty yet,  that would come two years into her marriage.  She only had one period, and then she was pregnant, at 13.  Her young small body,  she's about 4'10" or so, couldn't deliver that baby easily.  She labored for three days, and the baby was born with lots of damage to Suma with no anesthetic but at this point she was so exhausted she was delirious.  She fell unconscious with the large amounts of blood she lost.  Her mother told her later,  the baby had not cried at birth, also too exhausted from delivery.  What a horrific thing to endure at 13.  She had to feed the baby cows milk, because she hadn't any breast yet, to feed a baby.  


She didn't complain,  it was just the way it was.  She survived and so did her baby.  Her daughter is now grown and married, with a daughter of her own.  She was married at a reasonable age.  She tells me her husband is a kind man, but I have my doubts.  Her sister's husband is NOT a kind man, and tells me either is Suma's husband.  They are lovely ladies and the life they have to endure makes me sad.  I am thankful they are happy and have good employment with our family.


It is illegal in Bangladesh to be married before the age of 18 but I guess when you live in a village,  and live in a corrupt country, people do what they have to, in order to survive.  I was wondering why there were so many people here with birth defects,  missing limbs, club feet, twisted torsos,  but then again, first cousins who marry, are common place here.  Maybe they should try and make that illegal here too.  So sad,  Dhaka is a place that has great potential, but I don't think much has changed here in many many generations.

To Market to Market...

My friend, D and I went to New Market today.  It is a large market in Dhaka, and when I say large,  I mean LARGE.  I think we only hit a corner of it, and we spent easily 3-4 hours there.  First stop was the pet shops.  Oh my pet shops!  cages and cages of birds, bunnies, kittens, and puppies, and tanks and tanks of fish, turtles and snails.  And to all who are reading this, who know me well.... you'd be so proud!  I didn't buy anything.  Not even really tempted.  They even had my favorite birds (gouldian finches).  They did have a Mynah bird, and that would have been the one thing my husband would have let me get, but I didn't.  


Then to the regular market.  It was early and quiet at first. We browsed through china, pashmina scarves, kitchen gadgets, shalwar kameezes, saris, sporting goods, jewelery, shoes, and whatever you could think of.  It was awesome.  As we strolled,  and tried to ignore the Madam, Madam calling,  we did fine some treasures.  I am sure we got taken for a ride, and paid too much for things but D, drove a hard bargin, and bartered with the best of them.  3 pashminas for 1200 taka,  or 5$ each, seemed good at the time, until later we found out that was about double what we could have paid.  I paid 5 times the local price for a tea strainer.  Oh well, it was only a dollar.

It was a great day.  We had a local shopkeeper take us around and help us bargin,  and saved us much taka.  He spent hours with us, and was so kind.  We wanted to pay him, but he was happy just to practise his english with us.  Bangladeshis are really very sweet people.